It is hard to believe that it has already been two months since our sweet angle left us. It is now another major holiday and I still see things every day that I missed putting away of hers. Yesterday, I ran across her xrays and remember how we were planning to be in Galveston for surgery, but never made it. I was also talking to my mother about upcoming holidays and realized that I could not even remember last Christmas. Neither my mother, nor I could remember how we spent the holiday. By process of elimination, we realized that we had been in Amarillo, but I can not remember any of the details. The stress of the past year was just so hard and I don't think I realized it at the time, but I still feel really beaten up. It is getting better, but I wonder how long it will take to get my brain back. I was really smart at one time and I am just not as sharp now. I think I am doing pretty good, I am working hard to keep it all together, but I still just don't get all the things done that I would like.
Today was a good day. The cleaning girls were here today and I was busy with some spring cleaning. I was planning to take up a couple of photo albums up stairs and started looking at pictures of Molly. I had forgotten so much. She looked so good before the seizures. I had so much hope at that time, it was all going to be OK. She was so beautiful and I miss her so much. I still do not understand these past two years, but I am confident that God does have a plan, I just wish I knew what it was.
Thank you all for the continued prayers and support. -T
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Hi Teresa,
ReplyDeleteKeep trying to stay positive and just take one day at a time. I can't even imagine how hard it must be to lose your little girl but I do know how hard it has been losing my daddy. I think about him so much and miss him terribly. I know he had a good long life but it hurt so much to lose him slowly and watch him slip away from us and it hurts to have this gaping hole in my heart and it is even more pronounced when I go to Clarendon. I read everything I can find about Heaven just trying to reconcile, "what is it like for my dad right now?". I don't have a lot of answers but I do know that the Bible says that "to be absent from the body is to be with the Lord.". I know my dad is in Heaven today feeling good and talking with friends like he always loved to do, and I know Molly is running and laughing and being cared for in the arms of Jesus. We mourn for them and so often I just can't wait to go be with my dad and see him again. It hurts so much. But, I know God has a plan, and his plans are not known to us but he knows what he desires for us. I have no doubt tha God Chose you and Kelly to care for Molly because he knew how much you would love her and bless her life, and how much she would bless your lives.
I don't know if my words offer any encouragement but please know that I love you and think about you often. I know things will get better but it takes time. The people we love who get to go to Heaven before us leave a huge hole in our hearts, but they also leave us with so many beautiful memories and they impact our lives in ways no one else can. Hang in there Teresa, I know it's hard. Keep doing what you are doing. By the way, my brain power seems to have diminished too. I know it's because I just have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around that just take time to process and heal from. It must be natural, we just need time.
By the way, you probably figured it out by now but it's me, Janet, who wrote the above note. I was playing with Blogspot one time and forgot that I'd listed my middle name. Anyway, my thoughts are are with you.
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Teresa, I think of you often and wonder how you are holding up. I can only imagine how big that hole in your heart must be. Your words written here ring true in so many ways we cannot count. We know that God is infinitely good-- one day His plan will be so clear to us-- but for now, it's just one day at a time. Love and prayers to all of you! Mary Ann H.
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