daddy with Emmy and Big Bro Brecken

May 3, 2013 - Welcome Emily Grace

Well, it has been a long time since I have written anything, but it has been good.  Brecken is now a wonderful big brother to our surprise baby.  We decided when we found out that we were pregnant, and again when we found out that we were having a little girl that she was a gift from her sister Molly and from my dear friend Karena.  It was their way of never letting us forget that they are both in heaven, watching over us.

Emily Grace (Emmy for short) arrived on May 3rd and we are pleased to say very healthy, alert and happy.  She is true blessing.  She has made 2013 pretty wonderful!

Happy New Year! Hoping 2012 will be a great one

I still can not believe that it is 2012! I am very optimistic about this year and everyday is filled with joy thanks to the sweet little Brecken! I have just updated my photo album (I am compulsive about getting photo into my book - I don't do scrapbooking, but I love my photo albums) and I put all the Christmas card pics in that we received! I love to look at our friend's kid and how they have grown over the years - it is amazing and wonderful! Thank you to everyone who send us cards and pics - I keep them all (I put them in a folder and keep them with the photo album from that time). I do love to go back over the years and look at the notes and pictures! Have a great one!
Teresa

Merry Christmas

Well, It is amazing to think that 2011 is almost go. It has been a much better year, filled with joy and yes still sorrow. I am so thankful for all of the blessings this year. Two wonderful sons and a great husband.

Sweet 1 month old little boy

Brecken was 1 month old on Monday and was a healthy 9lbs 15 oz at his check up. It has been a delight to have a child that has not had to have surgery or see a number of specialist at this point in life. We are not getting much sleep, but I feel amazingly refreshed and grateful to have a healthy baby. No matter the bumps in the road, as long as he is doing well it is all ok. You would also think that with such a little butterball that he should be sleeping at night - and 3 nights in a row we did have 5 hour stretches, but he seems to be in a growth spurt again and his favorite thing to do is eat and he would like to do that all the time. Again - we should get sleep next year, so this is fine.

I also had my gallbladder out on Tuesday of this week. It is now Thursday and I feel much better than I did yesterday. It is a great time to start that serious diet!

Brighton has started school and says that he has the best schedule ever! He loves all his teachers so far and is looking forward most to skills for living. He will have a flour baby soon to take care of and I have told him he had better get an A on that one.

Kelly is still off work with paternity leave - Southwest is a great company! His benefits are so much better than mine. I do have to say that it is obvious that he is a bit bored.

Thank you all for all your prayers - this past month has been wonderful. It is still filled with so much mixed emotion, but he is such a gift of healing from above.

Our New Arrival

Welcome to the World Sweet Brecken. I have to admit that I have been very bad about posting updates. It is a bit late, but Brecken arrived on July 22, 2011! this was early but he has done very well! He is now at home and we are enjoying sleepless nights! We compare him to Molly so much - he is already donig so many things that she never did. We have shed a number of tears of joy and sadness also. He looks so much like she did, but is so different. I had forgotten how easy a healthy baby could be. I am just so thankful for the little things. To see how relaxed he is when he sleeps, to see a sweet smile and to have a baby that lifts his head. The small things that seemed so hard, they are so easy. He is a true gift of healing, no a replacement.

We love you Brecken and we miss you Molly! I have to believe that she is here with us, watching over her little brother also!

June - 2 years and where is my 2 year old

The end of May has been hard and I expect to have an emotional June and July! It was the end of May 2 years ago that that my worst fears were confirmed. My dreams were shattered when we went in for an ultrasound and were told news that we could not have imagined. I had know for weeks that my little girl was not very active and had been to the hospital a number of times to be hooked up to a monitor and told - no she is moving enough and her heart rate was wonderful. I had convinced myself that I was just worrying too much as I tend to do anyway. I had a right to be worried. My little girl was not doing well and it was this time two years ago that we became frequent doctor office faces and were being told that our daughter would not survive to delivery. She did survive and our hope were so high- it had to all be a bad dream. I am sad to say that it was not a bad dream. We had the joy of having our daughter for on only 13 months. It will be a year July 2nd and it is so hard to wake up without her. It is so hard to get closer to June 9th (her birthday). I seem to see so many 2 year old health little girls with bows in their hair and my heart breaks. I should be playing with a sweet, beautiful little girl, but I am not an I just have to trust that God has a plan. I still have no doubt that he is Good and Wonderful. He has a great things planned, but I really wish there was a different path. As it gets warmer, the kids are outside playing and there is a set of twins that were born a week after Molly was. They are out with their dad and brothers almost every day playing in front of my house and I get tearful overtime I see them. It just reminds me of how big our girl should have been, how she should have been running around. It reminds me to pray, to ask for sanity and peace. I know that my little girl can see now, that she can run, that she is perfect in his arms and we will be together again, I just really miss her now.

Ok so much for the sadness and pity party. I try to limit my sad time - not always easy. We do have so much to be grateful for! Today is Brighton's last day of sixth grade! He has made all A's this year and seems to be doing really well, we also try to keep him very busy. He tells me every day that he is ready for August and can hardly wait for Brecken to arrive! He thinks that he will be able to care for him all on his own and will be a great babysitter. I know that he will be, but I did have to remind him that a great babysitter has to change diapers. He is not in favor of this so much, he just want to carry a baby around all day. He will be off the grandparent's tonight and then we have actives planned for the entire summer.

Kelly is doing pretty good. He has also been having a hard time the past few weeks. We show our sadness in such separate ways. I am up early in the morning not sleeping and go out for my walks and he can't go to sleep at night (which then keeps me up at times). He puts on a great face in public, and he isn't always tearful when he talks about her the way that I am, but in the quiet times his heart breaks. He also tries not to let me know how anxious that he is about this pregnancy, but can hardly wait to hear that we had another good ultrasound. I do wish that guys had more girl resources. I am so lucky to have friends that openly talk about this, boys don't do that so much and his best friend died just over a year ago also. I try to fill that void, Kelly is my best friend, but it is not the same as having a life long guy friend.

My husband does remain wonderful! He is so sweet and loving. He keeps buying me gifts and if I didn't know better, I would think that he was wanting something big for father's day. He doesn't, the truth is that he just worries about me as much as I worry about him and we both want the other to well taken care of.

OK - Baby news. We are now 30 weeks along. Had another great soon yesterday at the high risk ob office. Brecken is about 3lbs 1 oz and still a boy. We also have a c-section date scheduled for August 1, 2011!!! 8/1/11 will be a great birthday! We can all hardly wait for August. Kelly will be repainting what will eventually be his room this weekend (this is also hard to paint over the walls that were painted last for Molly, but it will also make it easier to go into that room I hope). I have my timeline set up for July and will start setting up the downstairs baby room next month (not too soon since it will mean that Brighton has to move back into his real room upstairs from the guest room that he loves downstairs by us). I continue to shop for boy clothes which is also a bit of therapy (I think still less than what I could spend going and talking to some professional, LOL).

Thank you all for your continued prayers! It is wonderful to have friends and family. We are blessed.
T