Saturday, October 23, 2010

I'm running away and may never come back

Not really, but that is the way that I felt this week. There are times when I think that I absolutely can not handle one more thing and beg for mercy. That was this week. I had so many reminders of my sweet girl and miss her so much. My parents have moved their trailer back to the panhandle and I just feel like I lost my daughter and now I am losing my parent's too (yes I know that they are still close and will be back one a month at least, but I really miss seeing them everyday. My best friend was in the hospital this week with her stupid cancer. I really hate cancer and the horrible things that it does, but I especially hate her cancer. It is just a reminder that life can be so unfair. Work is crazy and I have to say I miss the days when I loved going to work. I am not unhappy with work it is just crazy and stressful. This was the first time that I really started to think that I might need an antidepressant. I then remembered that I have not been good this week - not exercising every day and not eating well (the treadmill makes a huge difference). I am doing better today and we are getting ready to leave for Italy in a few hours. It is a get away that we all need. I will call my parents soon and so will Kelly to tell them not to contact us if anything bad happens. No cell phones, no computers and I don't care if someone dies, I don't want to KNOW! I want a week with the entire outside world locked out, just my husband, my son and me enjoying the week and regaining sanity. I do have so much to be thankful for and Satan tries his best to make us forget that. I am so thankful for the wonderful family and friends that I have. I am so thankful that we live in a country where we can worship freely (at least for now). I am so thankful for the beauty that is around us each day - I still spend so much time in the garden and the flowers are amazing right now. I am so thankful for the small protections that My God provides me with each day. I am so thankful that I am not going to France on this trip.