Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A few small pity parties

I am still doing good. I am very busy with work, which is what I need right now. They moved my office while I was off (this is a good thing) and now Brook and I share an office (no doctors, just midlevels) so we have been decorating. Monday I brought in family pictures, including 2 of my favorite pics of My Molly. I have the one from the blog and another that is so sweet with a big bow. Today, two different people were in my office and started asking about the beautiful little girl. I held it together pretty well until I was walking to my car. The tears just started, for some stupid reason I just realized that I won't have a 2nd birthday to celebrate with my little girl. I felt so cheated and so wanted to go home, and open the door to find a beautiful, healthy little girl with blond curls running and laughing. That was never meant to be, which is still so hard to accept at time. This past year has been so hard, it just does not seem real some days. I know that God has a wonderful plan, and I am so thankful for all the amazing relationships that we have made, but I still long for that little girl that was never meant to be. I am sure that I always will, especially at holidays and birthdays. This is OK and life goes on. I am so glad that we have an amazing God and that I have hope for the future. I can still see all the beauty that is around us.
Pity Party over for the day. Onward, for I have another amazing child that I have to be strong for and an husband that I love.
Thank you all for the continued prayer, It is, as always, our Lord's strength that keeps us going.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thank you for all the cards and notes

Thank you all for all of the cards, wonderful call and continued prayers.

Many of you have been asking how we are all doing, so here is an update.

First, little B. He is doing well in his just turned 11 boy world. We have kept him very busy with short trips, planning a b-day party, movies, and lots of activities. He seems to be cruising along so well and then out of the blue he will tell me that he misses his little sister and that he wishes he could kiss her again. He has wanted us to lay down with him at night, which we do, and we give him lots of extra love. We are also looking at campsol for the family.

Kelly is also doing well, he is back to work and starting a diet and work out plan. I am also back to work (which will save my sanity) and also starting a new diet and work out plan. We have been keeping busy, doing yard work, writing thank you notes, talking on the phone. We are also trying to plan a few trips for the three of us and enjoy each other. On Saturday our Molly trees are being planted on our yard and in 2 of the neighbors yard. 5 beautiful crepe myrtles, 3 purple and 2 pink.

I also had an ultrasound of my gallbladder today. I have needed to have it out for several years, so maybe I will do it now.

My parents are also doing OK. We have planned out the rest of the summer and once school starts. My mother had scans last week and they are all good. Still cancer free! So many things to be thankful for.

I miss my sweet little girl every day, as I know that I always will. I know that she is watching us from above. I do look forward to the day that we will all be made whole and reunited. Until then, I know that God will take care of all of us.

Thank you all again for everything!

Monday, July 5, 2010

The funeral was beautiful

It was a long day. We had plenty of time to get ready and I continue to open drawers, I continue to find wonderful reminders of my sweet little girl. I pulled down a bin and there were her winter hats. Pink and white. She was so beautiful in them. I open my purse to look for my keys and there is one of her hair bows that I had kept for emergency cuteness when we were out. My arms are so empty, but I am also strangly at peace. I know that she can see me and I feel her. She is perfect, and she is no longer hurting. How wonderful are all the things that she see now?
I held her so much of the time, wishing that see could see how beautiful the flowers were in my garden. How amazing the hummingbirds and butterflies were. Today, I realized that she has to be looking down and saying, "mother this garden is so much better than yours! Up here is so much more glorious than the world that you are in!" She is right, no matter how wonderful I think some of the flowers, plants and animals are here, they are so much better there!
I was amazed at how many friends were at the service. Thank you all for coming. It was increadible to see how many lives this little one touched in just a year. I hope that this next year that I will touch as many lives. I don't have any reason not to do more. To live each day to its fullest. To remember her each day and rejoice in how strong she was.
I wore a great pink suit to the service today with animal print shoes. I had a traditional black suit, but yesterday I realized that she deserved more. I wanted to honor her memory with what reminded me of her most. The color that I loved her most in and the animal print that I had decorated her room it. It will always make me think of her. On of my friends told me that I was so strong today, but she was wrong. I have been given grace from God to continue on. He has given me comfort and peace. He continues to provide. I know that it will be harder in 2 or 3 weeks, when the house is still and when I am out seeing other mothers with their healthy, happy children. For now though, I am staying busy. Planning some weekend trips. Loving my husband and son. And most of all, praying!
So many friends have asked us what they can do. We have plenty of food for now, but in a month or two bring us a meal. Pray for our strength. Pray for our son. Pray for our parents! I think that they hurt even more than Kelly and I for not only do they miss Molly, but they also hurt for their children. Pray for our health. Pray that both grandmothers stay cancer free. Pray that Molly's life continues to touch others. Pray that we are blessed with another little girl. Pray that we hear God's plan and follow willingly. Thank you all so much.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Morning After

July 3, 2010
I was up at 4 this morning after collapsing last night. I opened my eyes an my first though was that I needed to go check on my angel. (Molly always slept on my chest or if we had a night nurse she would rock with her all night and I would wake during the night and go to her room to check on them) It took just a moment to remember that this morning was so different. I can't pick her up and hold her today. My arms feel empty. I am so sad for me and so happy for her all in the same moment.
I knew that I could not just lay in bed and that I would not go back to sleep, so up and out to walk the neighborhood. It is so muggy and gray this morning. It started to rain and there were too many clouds to see a beautiful sunrise like the one we watched yesterday. Thank you dear Lord for giving my they beautful morning that we had yesterday. It is fitting that today would be gray and raining.
I have already been sitting in her room, taking out the beautiful clothes that she never wore to pack away. I hope that on day we will be blessed with another little girl and hopefully she will be able to wear all of these things. I hope that I will be able to pull them out again and even though Molly never wore them, they are hers and I will be reminded of her as a dress a little sister in them.
It is crazy and busy at our house and I am thankful for that. There are so many things to do and I don't have time to think about any one thing too long. This is how I will move on for now. I know so many of you that read this worry about me (I worry about me and the family too) and I want you all to know that we will be ok with time. God will heal us and he has a plan. Your love will heal us. I have a plan too - we will see if it fits with God's. It is to remember to make the most of each day and not to make excuses. We are here for such a short time and we need to make a difference. It is too easy to just sit in front of the TV or computer, too easy just to stay home and relax.
Continue to pray for us all! Thank you! Funeral plans are the post below.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Funeral Plans

Funeral Plans for Molly Hill
Turrentine Jackson Morrow Ridgeview Memorial Park
2525 Central Expressway North at Ridgeview Drive
Allen, TX 75013

Monday, July 5, 2010

Please direct donations to

Prosperity Place Therapy
680 N H Hays, Suite 102
PO Box 115
Prosper, TX 75078
972-347-3770 phone
972-347-9790 fax

Community Hospice of Texas

Make a Wish Foundation

She has made it home!

Our sweet angel went to heaven at about 8 am this morning. She was very peaceful and we were able to all enjoy a beautiful sunrise. We held her and loved her until the end. Her journey is now complete and our continues. We know that she is whole and perfect. I know that she can see now! I know that she can eat now! I know that she can run, jump, crawl and move now! No more seizure! No more pain! Glory to God for all those things.

Thank you for all the prayers!

The journey is almost over, but not yet

I have to say that yesterday was by far the hardest day of my life, and I know that today will be even harder. I also know that we will get through this, because we have to and as hard as it is, it also carries many blessings with it.
It is about 4 am on Friday morning and we have had a bit of sleep. We all thought that she was leaving us about 3 yesterday, but she just wanted a little bit more attention. (It is amazing how a little one can control so many big ones even up until the end) By the end of yesterday, we had visits from almost all of her therapist and most of our friends. We have been able to pass her around and she has been kissed and loved all day long. It has been a time of such sweet sarrow, and I have been so touched by the words and hugs of our friends. I had always hoped that she would die very quickly, that I would wake up on morning and she would have left us, fast and easy (if it ever could be). But this journey does allow us a different perspective, and I am thankful that God is giving us and the loved ones that she has touched the time that we need to say good bye.
Kelly and I both laid down last night with her between us. Our hands on her chest to feel if she was breathing and warm. Neither of us expected to get any sleep, but we both have had some. I awoke to my husband's sweet voice saying a quiet hello, and I concentrated to feel her breath and was glad to know that she was still here, but very quite. I then replied with a quite I love you and turned slightly and saw a tall figure standing next to my bed. I almost screamed, but caught myself, realizing that it was my wonderful and strong mother. (It was not me that my husband was saying Hello to). She had come back to my house at around 2 this morning to check on all of us. I could tell that she also wanted to hold Molly. So we are up, but I am glad to say, more rested.
Thank you all for all of your prayers. It is God that gives us Grace and Strength! He has provided so many times for us and I know that he hears all the prayer. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Our Path has changed

The past week has been hard. We had been planning a trip to UTMB for Molly’s surgery in hopes of relieving some of her tone issues and to give her more comfort. As last week progressed, Molly started hurting more, having more seizures, and her tone increased. We have been adjusting, changing and adding medications, but have been unable to make her better. We have a team of wonderful doctors, but Molly continues to show us who is the boss, and it is not us. By Sunday night it was obvious how bad her tone had become. She is no longer able to tolerate anything in her g-button without it leaking out. This morning, we decided, along with our doctors, that it was time to start hospice care for our beautiful angel. We know that, with their help, we will be able to get her pain under control.
We are so thankful for all the wonderful doctors that have spent hours with us, and for all the therapist that have made this past year bearable, all whom have become close friends. We have met so many amazing special need families that live a life that no one on the outside can ever imagine. We have been shown so much kindness from friends and family. I know that we could not have survived without all the support and encouragement. I thank God for all these things.
We will update everyone when things change and about arrangements, once it is time. Please continue to pray for Molly to be out of pain, for Brighton during this time and for Kelly and I.