July 3, 2010
I was up at 4 this morning after collapsing last night. I opened my eyes an my first though was that I needed to go check on my angel. (Molly always slept on my chest or if we had a night nurse she would rock with her all night and I would wake during the night and go to her room to check on them) It took just a moment to remember that this morning was so different. I can't pick her up and hold her today. My arms feel empty. I am so sad for me and so happy for her all in the same moment.
I knew that I could not just lay in bed and that I would not go back to sleep, so up and out to walk the neighborhood. It is so muggy and gray this morning. It started to rain and there were too many clouds to see a beautiful sunrise like the one we watched yesterday. Thank you dear Lord for giving my they beautful morning that we had yesterday. It is fitting that today would be gray and raining.
I have already been sitting in her room, taking out the beautiful clothes that she never wore to pack away. I hope that on day we will be blessed with another little girl and hopefully she will be able to wear all of these things. I hope that I will be able to pull them out again and even though Molly never wore them, they are hers and I will be reminded of her as a dress a little sister in them.
It is crazy and busy at our house and I am thankful for that. There are so many things to do and I don't have time to think about any one thing too long. This is how I will move on for now. I know so many of you that read this worry about me (I worry about me and the family too) and I want you all to know that we will be ok with time. God will heal us and he has a plan. Your love will heal us. I have a plan too - we will see if it fits with God's. It is to remember to make the most of each day and not to make excuses. We are here for such a short time and we need to make a difference. It is too easy to just sit in front of the TV or computer, too easy just to stay home and relax.
Continue to pray for us all! Thank you! Funeral plans are the post below.